Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
