All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
