Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
