No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Nicole vs. Life
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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