found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
