I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
