I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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