Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
