I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
