So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dignity is for republicans.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
