i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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