The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
