Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
