I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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