I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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