I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
