Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize