im drinking this country out of the recession.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
