i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
