Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
