Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
