You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize