um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
