God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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