I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
