i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
