Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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