I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
