we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You were trust falling into bushes
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
