Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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