I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
