so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
