I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
