I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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