I'm jealous of your bromance
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Boobs are out for the taking
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
