I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
