mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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