I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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