first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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