So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
