Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
