UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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