i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
