I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
