things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
