Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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