get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
