Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
