Umm I'm too high to move.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
