when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm really busy with my period
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