i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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