he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
