shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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