My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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