You smell like stripper and shame
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
