Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
