Kiss
Puke
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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