I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
