watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
