please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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