you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
