just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
