You're completely useless in the revolution.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
