You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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