Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
